Let's Get Dicey!
by King of Beasts
Summary: What happens when all the characters in my past, present and future fics show up? Some heart-to-heart talks, but mostly utter madness! Agil will definitely have his hands full!
1. Tale 1: The Tale of Two Kings

Disclaimer: I do not own most of the characters and locations that show up in this fic. All credits go to their respective companies. That being said, let's bounce!

King of Beasts Productions Present:

**Let's get Dicey!**

Tale 1: The Two Kings

It was another normal night in the Dicey Cafe.

Well, that wasn't exactly correct. For starters, this wasn't the Dicey Cafe of Sword Art Online we all know and love. This version is located in a pocket universe where men and women from all walks of life meet, be they from different universes or otherwise.

Since explaining all that would take too long, let's get to our story...

"Give me a huge serving of your best meal, and a glass of wine to wash it all down."

It wasn't unusual to see Saber a.k.a Arturia Pendragon sitting in the barstool of this rather quaint cafe. Then again, when the universe seems to hate you, a few drinks should help you numb the pain. Knowing this, Agil knew better than to question the tiny King of Knight's appetite. He was kind of worried for his hired cook, though.

"Coming right up." The burly bartender nodded as he began walking to the back "Just don't give Ragna a hard time like last time, okay?"

Saber could not help but chuckle, remembering that one time she gave Ragna the Bloodedge an anyeurism for making him cook a ten meal course, as well as Shirou for making him pay for all the food she consumed.

The thing was, even after all that, she was still hungry.

"I'll try my best." she gave the bartender an earnest smile, one he returned before attending to his other customers.

For some reason, she was clad in the jet black suit she wore during the 4th Holy Grail War this night, and it suited her for this particular moment, as she fit with the scenery; she looked like, for all intents and purposes, like a suave foreign gentleman in the American style bar that was the Dicey Cafe.

As Agil brought her order and drink, Saber looks around the bar. The regulars, like Kirito and his group with the HTT girls, were in one booth casually chatting about whatever events they had been up to. She also saw Gwendolyn and Sola-Ui on a girl's night out, the former acknowledging the blonde with a smile and wave that was returned in kind. She even saw Vergil out on a date with...Nui Harime?

Oh, the questions she would be asking Dante later.

"Uhm, is it okay if I sit here?"

Having been shaken out of her potential VergilxNui musings, Saber turned to see a boy about Shirou's age walk up to her. He had a messy mop of brown hair atop his head with eyes that match it's shade. His attire was your typical high school uniform, a black blazer over a white polo with a thin blue loosely tied ribbon around his neck, black slacks and sneakers. Examining him, Saber thought that the boy looked unassuming, much like Shirou would at times.

Of course, consider what she had heard about this boy, she knew better.

"It's fine." Saber nodded as the he took his seat. The moment he did, Agil approached him and asked if he liked a drink.

"Oh, one order of Onigiri and a glass of water for me, thanks." The giant bartender raised his brow at this, but chose not to press the matter further as he went to the back to place the order.

"'Tis strange to find you here...King of the Void, Ouma Shu." Saber said with a polite smile, noting with interest that the boy in question seemed a little surprised that she recognized him.

And why wouldn't she? His tale is a well-known one across the universes. It was a tragic one, one where it involved an unlikely individual gaining the power of a king. He was a wide-eyed idealist who, after becoming a ruthless leader so that his friends may be saved, was betrayed by the people he fought for.

Now, where has she heard this before?

"H-how?"

"Your story is not entirely unknown." The black-clad knight gave him a sagely smile "Especially to a fellow king like myself."

"Ah..." Shu then nods in understanding, immediately recognizing who was speaking before him "Then it's an honor, I suppose, King of Knights."

Saber smirked with amusement at the boy's formal greeting, then called Agil's attention once more "Bring me two glasses of Bourbon, please."

"Comin' right up."

Seconds later, he slid the two drinks across the counter, the second of which Saber had offered Shu.

"Are you sure I should be drinking this?" The lad raised a questioning brow at the blonde "I'm still a minor, you know?"

"Yes, but I am also much older than I look." Saber replied back with a rather confident grin "It should be no problem if an adult is here, am I correct?"

"I suppose so..."

Saber's lips curl into a small smirk of victory as she and Shu took a swig, enjoying the rather hearty taste as it lingered in her mouth. With haste, she placed two more orders.

"I take it that your presence here means that King of Beasts has a fanfic planned for you?"

"I suppose so..." Shu answered as he took a glance at his drink, swirling it's contents around in his hand.

"Then I welcome you to development hell." Saber said with a smirk- wait, what?

"What's that supposed to mean?" The brown-haired boy asked with a perplexed expression that matched that narrator's own.

"It's just that King of Beasts tends to get quite distracted." The blonde King of Knights chuckled at my expense "Do you know how many months he took before updating 'Clarent Blood Arthur'? Morded so desperately wanted to bash his head in, and I would've let her!"

Wow, Saber agreeing with Mordred? I must be pretty lazy then.

Ahem. Anyway, that's how most of the evening went; Saber ordering more drinks as she and Shu downed them rather swiftly. As a result, both became rather buzzed from all the alcohol in their systems, so they begin talking about inane things such as how rice should be eaten or who's more tsundere: Rin or Ayase?

By round eight, the discussion took a serious turn when Shu began asking "Hey, Saber?"

"Yes?"

"Do you...*hic!* Do you regret your actions as a king?"

That question had gotten the King of Camelot's full attention, the blonde slowly turning her head to face Shu, who wore a melancholic expression as he stared at his now empty glass. "What made you decide to ask that?"

"Well..." Shu trailed off, his expression suggesting that he was collecting his thoughts and picking his words carefully "You know as well as I do that I've done things. Horrible things I've come to regret."

The only plausible response Saber could give was nod, her gaze pensive as she listened away.

"I did what I had to for everyone's well-being." Shu continued on "The Void Ranking System...*hic!* in hindsight, agreeing to it was the biggest mistake I have ever made. I turned away from everyone...Ayase, Tsumugi, Souta...Everyone."

He stopped to take another gulp from Round Number Nine before speaking again "The only one who stood by me was Inori...and we all know how that ended. I know that in the end, we were able to stop GHQ, but...Was it worth all the loss?"

Again, Saber didn't need to say anything, just watching as the drunk King of the Void poured his heart out. If anything, the fears and regrets in his heart were similar to her own.

And to his question, she knew the answer.

"Someone once told me that 'The King is not alone'." Saber spoke with the wisdom of her years "And after taking a long, hard look at my own reign...I believe that he was right. I, like you, erred in how I ruled my kingdom. I did what was necessary, no matter how ruthless my actions were. I stylized myself as 'The perfect king' and tried to take on the kingdom's burdens on my own shoulders, an action that made one of my knights declare that 'The king doesn't understand human emotions'. It was my actions that drove my dearest friend to madness...and what caused the fall of my kingdom as well."

Saber paused to take her own drink, closing her eyes to savor the taste before opening them again to face Shu "To answer your question, I did regret my actions at one point. It was the reason why I sought out the Holy Grail, to redo the selection of the king in hopes that someone else pulls the sword."

Shu nods as he takes in everything she had said. However, one thing didn't add up.

"You said that you 'did', meaning that you no longer do so." He pointed out "What made you change your mind?"

At that, Saber wore a most heartfelt smile on her face "Shirou." She said simply "He kept persisting that my wish was foolish. I was, of course, naturally annoyed with his prying. In time, however, I realized that he was right: It was a foolish wish. He wanted me to move past the guilt I felt for my actions, and because of him, I'm all the better for it. He is my sheath, and that's part of why I've fallen for him, I guess..."

As Shu listened to the blonde, he started to think of his own relationship with Inori, and how much support she had given him during that dark period of his life. He remembered what she had said to him back then, powerful words that remain in his heart to his very day:

_"Even if everyone calls you a liar and you hate yourself, I'll be on your side, Shu."_

_"I see now." _Shu nodded with an understanding smile _"Thank you, Inori."_

"I think I get what you're trying to say now." He said aloud to the smiling King of Knights "You have my thanks, Saber-san."

"Glad to be of help." She nodded as she returned his grin with one of her own as she raised her tenth glass "Now, let us speak no more of this. Let us celebrate the people who make us happy!"

* * *

_**Two hours and lotsa shots of Bourbon later...**_

"Oh, you're looking for them?" Agil sighed as he pointed a thumb at where Saber and Shu sat, both Kings doubled over their seats and wasted from all that liquor.

"Here we go..." Shirou Emiya sighed and shook his head while Inori Yuzuriha cocked her head to the side, her expression as blank as usual.

"Shirou...is that you?" slurred Saber, her eyes fogged as she looked at the red-head "I'm hungry...feed me, Shirou..." As this happened, Shu struggled to stand up. He succeeded, though he was rather wobbly in his landing.

"Oh...hey, Inori..." the brunette waved with a dazed smile before dropping to the floor with a thud. This caused the pinkette idol singer's lips to curl upward ever so slightly in amusement as she drew near to him and hoisted him over her shoulder.

"Let's go home, Shu." She spoke in a soft whisper in that singsong tone characteristic of her "You still have to make me Onigiri tomorrow."

"C'mon, Saber." Shirou sighed as he carried the tiny girl piggyback "We have to get home too." With that, he turned to Agil with a measure of dread on his face "How much do we owe you this time, Agil-san?"

"I'll just put on your tab, like usual. Don't worry about it." Agil chuckled as he took out a cloth and began wiping the counter top "You know, those two are lucky to have someone watching over them. With all the shit they've been through, they deserve to have at least one person in their life to make them happy."

At that, both Shirou and Inori could only smile. After they had nodded their thanks and left with their drunken counterparts, Agil closed shop for the night.

All in all, this was an interesting night in the Dicey Cafe, and he knew more would come soon.

**End Day 1**

* * *

_**A/N: Hey guys! King of Beasts here to bring you a brand new title called "Let's Get Dicey!" In this fic, we detail the interactions between characters from my various fanfictions, be they Canon or OC, in the Dicey Cafe much like Carnival Phantasm. Can Agil keep the Dicey Cafe standing, especially when we take into account the colorful cast of characters that are part of my works? Stay tuned to find out- ulp!**_

_***Finds both Clarent and Excalibur pointed at his throat and looks up to see a rather irritated Saber and Mordred.**_

_**O-oh hey guys! W-what's up?**_

_**Mordred: You. Continue Clarent Blood Arthur. NOW!**_

_***Gets dragged away, kicking and screaming, by Mordred while Saber takes over my duties***_

_**Saber: Anyways, look forward to the updates to all of K.O.B's fanfictions, as well as new projects. Until then...**_

_**Next time: The Dicey Cafe Staff Meeting!**_


	2. Tale 2: Behold! The Knight of Meidos!

_Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not even the plot, which was inspired by Carnival Phantasm Episode 8_

King of Beasts Productions Present:

**Let's Get Dicey!**

**Tale 2: Behold! The Knight of Meidos!**

"I cannot believe I'm wearing this!"

"I don't think it's that bad..."

It was another day at the Dicey Cafe, and today's disgruntled groan came from Mordred Pendragon a.k.a the Knight of Treachery. She came out of the dressing room clad not in her armor nor her casual wear.

Nay, today she came out dressed in a red frilly maid outfit. The skirt reached just above the knees and her stockings were Zettai Ryouki enough to match even Rin Tohsaka.

Needless to say, she was not amused.

"Damn him for making me wear this!" Mordred growled as she punched the wall with enough force to dent it, causing her current companion and co-waitress Charlotte Dunois to jump in surprise.

"Now now, Mordred." The blonde IS pilot tried to calm her fiery co-worker "'Zis is part of Mr. Gills promotion. You're only wearing 'zis for the day, so it's nothing to worry about-"

"Nothing to worry about?!" The Knight of Treachery wasn't having any of it, her glare at Charlotte causing even the fearless French Representative to quake in her metaphorical boots "This attire is unbecoming of a knight! A mockery of my lineage!"

"I do not like this either." Both turned to see Saber clad in a blue maid uniform "But you know what our respective Masters have said..."

"We need to do our part to pay the rent, I know." Mordred repeated in annoyance "But that doesn't give her the right to stick me in this...THIS TRAVESTY OF AN OUTFIT!"

"Um..." Both scions of House Pendragon turned to Charlotte, who had been standing there, blinking her deep purple eyes in confusion the entire time "Mind if I ask what 'zis is all about?"

"To make a long story short, both our Masters decided we should do our part to pay rent." Saber explained with her usual stoic expression "Lady Ilya had decided that it would be good for Mordred if she work here, so she spoke with Agil about and he agreed, despite his understandable doubt." she nodded at her sulking 'son' "I, on the other hand, am accompanying her because I can keep her in check."

"Is that so, 'my king'?"

Saber turned to Ilya's second Berserker and, to her surprise, she saw that her initial misgivings were gone. Instead, she saw that murderous gleam she had seen when she beat the crap out of her in one chapter of CBA.

"What are you implying?"

"Oh, I am well aware of your stint as a waitress in the Ahnenerbe. You made impressive use of your B Rank Charisma to bring the customers to heel." The Knight of Treachery smirked while she folded her arms "Perhaps you came to prevent me from upstaging you?"

"Is that what you believe, my foolish 'son'?" Saber's lips curled into an equally nasty smirk "Perhaps I shall have to teach you a harsh lesson in the service industry!"

Looking back at this, Charlotte could've sworn that sparks were flying as the two glared at each other. "Looks like Miss Tohsaka wasn't lying about the animosity between these two..."

"Then how about we put this to the test?"

All three girls turned to see Agil enter with Ragna in tow. Saber and Mordred, in particular, took interest in his knowing grin.

"How about a contest?" The burly bartender suggested "A competition on who is the better waitress?"

"Interesting." Mordred would be the first to speak "What are the rules of engagement?"

"The rules are as follows," Agil gave out a toothy grin as he turned to Ragna, who nodded and placed two jars (one with a red stripe and the other blue for color coding) on the table in the break room "Whoever has the most tips at the end of the day will be declared the winner. The total amount of tips will be measured by these jars and will be measured at the end of your shifts."

"Sounds fair enough." Nodded Saber astutely.

"Indeed." Mordred gave her approval before turning to Saber with a cocky grin "I suggest you surrender now and save us all the trouble. 'Twould be a shame for you to lose to me TWICE."

"Those are fighting words, considering you only defeated me due to my weakened state." Saber grinned back. Ragna and Charlotte would later note that the glares the two were giving each other had the intensity of a dying star "It seems today you will learn your place, Knight of Treachery!"

"Bring it, King of Knights!"

Charlotte could only watch as the two knights-turned meidos practically sprint out of the break room, their boss following behind them to mediate. With an unsure expression, she turned to Ragna "Um...are you sure that 'zis was a good idea? Ze Pendragons are rather sore losers..."

"As long as I don't have to feed any of them, I'm alright with whatever Agil's got in mind." The cook shrugged as he put on his apron and made for the kitchen "'Sides, might be good for the both of them."

Soon, it was only Charlotte left in the break room. Befuddled by what she had just witnessed today, she let out a huge sigh before voicing her thoughts to the empty air.

"I doubt 'zis will be good for both of 'zem at all."

* * *

"Disgraceful! A man of your stature should be eating more!"

"How can you work after eating so little, construction worker?!"

"You should not have spilled juice on the table! That is what coasters are for!"

"Hunger is the enemy! That's why you should go for seconds!"

Charlotte felt one of her eyes twitch as she watched Saber and Mordred cow the customers into submission, all of them bowing before their feet. "_Sacre bleu_, this iz 'ze 'Ahnenerbe' all over again." the blonde IS pilot sighed as she watched them bow before the Pendragon pair. She took a glance at the their respective tip jars and saw that they were neck and neck, each one already half full.

"It could be worse." Agil watched from his post at the bar, resisting every urge to bow down before the two "Gilgamesh could come over here and he'll unleash Saber Alter again."

"Don't tempt fate." Ragna called from the back, his nose to the stove as he worked furiously to meet every order "Just don't."

And so this was how it went, Saber's B Rank Charisma and Mordred's overall forcefulness compelling customers to obey their every whim. To be honest, Charlotte herself was having difficulty not going on one knee.

_"Is 'zis...ze power of Camelot's royalty?"_

* * *

"Ah! So it seems you work here as well!"

Saber felt that all too familiar chill go down her spine as she slowly turned her head towards the door. Sure enough, the King of Heroes himself was standing before them in all his radiant glory, clad in his usual black jacket and pants with his hair slicked down.

"I told you not to tempt fate!" Ragna called from the kitchen.

"So it's you." Mordred scowled at him, causing the Gilgamesh's brow to twitch ever so slightly.

"How dare you address the king with such disrespect, faker!" He returned her scowl with one of his own.

"A king? More like glorified peacock!"

"Why you-?!"

"Now, now. Save it for your fic." Agil chuckled as he got between them hoping to diffuse the situation "Wouldn't you want to enjoy a good meal and a drink to go with it, my good man."

"Yes, and I would very much prefer we do not repeat what had happened last time." Saber saw fit to add. This time, she was more than ready to bring out Excalibur.

Gilgamesh appeared to give the matter some thought, placing a hand on his chin. Afterwards, he sighed as he took his seat.

"Very well. I shall let the matter pass for now, for Saber's sake." the haughty King of Heroes then shot the red-clad meido a glare "But do not think that matters have been settled between us, faker!"

"I'm looking forward to the day I bash that arrogant smug in." Mordred smirked, her eye twitching violently as she brought out her clipboard "For now, can I take your order?"

* * *

"I am sorry, sir, but we do not sell the latest issue of JUMP! here either."

For some inexplicable reason, Heracles a.k.a Canon Berserker showed up with some coins in hand hoping to buy himself some shounen manga. To his disappointment, he found nothing of that sort. So what did he do?

Well, he started bashing the place, like any good Berserker should.

"Sir, please calm down!" Saber implored the gargantuan monster as he started smashing the entrance with his massive slab.

Cue Mordred rushing past the blue meido with Clarent in hand, crashing into the giant with enough force to make take a few steps back.

"So...you were Ilya's first Berserker, the might Hercules himself." Mordred wore her trademark hungry grin, still clad in her meido outfit, as she held her weapon in both hands as the giant stared down at her "Let's see how many of your lives I can take before this is all over!"

With a mighty roar did Canon Berserker and CBA Berserker crash into each other like two stags fighting for a doe. Thankfully they were outside, but the shockwaves of their ruckus were felt and, indeed were being watched by many a passerby.

"Goddamnit." Agil sighed deeply, placing his index fingers on his temples as he brought Ragna into the front of the house "You and Charlotte go and do some damage control. Restrain both Berserkers if you can."

"Right." Both Ragna and Charlotte nodded, the latter bringing out her Rafale Revive IS out, and went to TRY and restrain two rampaging heroes of old.

A fight that shall remain offscreen, as we shift our attention to Gil and Saber as they were watching all of it unfold.

"So the faker faces the savage? Would make for an enjoyable show, to be sure." Gilgamesh chuckled as he helped himself to some steak "It seems that the doll's Servants are quite entertaining, to say the least."

"I would appreciate it if you do not refer to Lady Illyasviel as such." Saber furrowed her brow in annoyance, something the golden King of Heroes ignored.

"So, Saber..." Gilgamesh gave her leering grin "The offer I made still stands."

"Wh-what?!"

"My offer back at the other restaurant." He continued and pointed at Saber, to her dismay "I would like to have you for take-out!"

Agil paled as he watched Saber twitch rather violently, clenching her left fist as her right was about to reach for her ahoge.

"I better stop her!" The bartender was about to run to Saber and try to calm her down. The last thing he needed was Saber Alter running amok.

Thankfully he didn't need to, as a flying red blur crashed into him. It did little to stop it's momentum and, as a result, it crashed into the King of Heroes and, eventually, into a wall with a resounding bang. Out of the debris it resulted in came Mordred. Her meido outfit was in tatters and blood was dripping down her nose, and she dislocated her left shoulder.

Despite all that, her grin seemed to grow wider.

"That's right!" She roared as she slowly got to her feet, setting her shoulder back in it's place with a rather sickening pop. "That's the strength I expect from the World's Strongest Man! Entertain me more!"

She ran back to the Hercules with reckless abandon while shouting at the top of her lungs, leaving Saber to check on the other two. It seemed that Gilgamesh was knocked out by the said crash and Agil was fine, though he may have broken a rib or two.

"Saber..." The bartender croaked weakly as he wobbled to his feet "You know what to do..."

With a nod, Saber went forth to assist Ragna and Charlotte, who were busy trying to break up the fight between the two Berserkers. It was at that moment Asuna and Kirito arrived through the backdoor for their respective shifts. At the sight of the battle outside, as well as the hole in the wall from the crash caused by the human projectile and the customers still bowing to Saber, all they could say were the following:

"What the hell?"

* * *

"Well, zat's ze end of a rather busy day."

'Busy', of course, was a mild way of putting it consider the damage caused by today's antics. Still, Agil was glad that they made it back in one piece just in time for Saber's and Mordred's shift to end. As for the result of their little game, the bartender declared it a no contest on account of the Berserker incident. Still, each of them managed to get a good haul today as they left the cafe clad in their casual wear with Charlotte in tow.

"Indeed it was, Miss Dunois." Saber nodded as as she turned to the blonde French Representative. She saw that she had some bruises from being assigned to the daunting tasks of calming two Berserkers down "Are you alright, though? You had been caught in a battle between two Heroic Spirits."

"I'll be fine." She nodded with a smile "My Rafale Revive was able to take ze brunt of ze damage, though I will have to have it checked tomorrow." She sighed, not looking forward to explaining how two heroes of legend did a number on her IS.

"I suppose I must apologize." Mordred, who sported numerous bandages on her head and shoulder, crossed her arms and looked down rather sheepishly "I should not have gotten you involved in that rather messy affair."

At that, Saber managed to smile somewhat. To see that her son had shown a bit of humility and for taking responsibility for the trouble caused.

_"She has grown."_

"You know," Morded looked up to see the King of Knights with a warm smile on her regal features "I enjoyed working with you today, Mordred. It was rather...fun."

This admission rather floored the Knight of Treachery; for one, she never saw her smile in her entire tenure as a Knight of the Round Table, let alone admit any of her feelings.

Yet, here she was, baring the warmth she had hidden all those years in Camelot. So to say that this was significant to her 'son' was an understatement.

"Th-thanks...I guess." She mumbled in a flustered tone before looking up at dear old 'dad' "But don't think that our issues would go away with one kind gesture! I still want your throne!"

With a rather confident grin did Mordred sprint ahead, leaving Saber and Charlotte alone. "Are you sure zis is okay?" She asked the King of Knights with a worried expression, who nodded in response.

"She is right. All our differences will not be resolved immediately." She conceded to that point, but looked up at the sky regardless "However, I wish to make amends with her in the coming days. It's what Shirou would want...and it's what I would want as well."

**End Tale 2**

* * *

_A/N: Ladies and Gentlemen, there you have it. Another update to my gag fic, "Let's Get Dicey!"_

_Mordred: Curse you for making me wear such a hideous outfit._

_What? You went with it anyway to try and outdo your 'dad', right?_

_Mordred: *blushes* A-And what of it?! Why do you think I seek her approval for anything, huh?!_

_I didn't imply anything, Miss Knight of Treachery. You said those words, not me._

_*Mordred brings out Clarent with every intent of sticking me like a pig*_

_Heyhey! I'd save that aggression if I were you! Don't you got a big fight in CBA to get to?_

_Mordred: *considers it for a moment before putting her sword down* Ah yes, I forgot. I shall take great pleasure in trouncing father's greatest lapdog! MWAHAHAHA!_

_Oookay...anyways, in case no one recognized the boy talking to Saber and the pink haired girl that came with Shirou to pick them up, they were Ouma Shu and Yuzuriha Inori from Guilty Crown. Also, the blonde french girl in this piece is actually Charlotte Dunois from Infinite Stratos. Okay, now that that's done, I'll be working on the next chapter of Clarent Blood Arthur now. See ya!_

_Mordred: Next time, a certain wallflower meets a certain Hound, who have a lot more in common than they would think._


End file.
